Aviation (and other) Humor
"Neal's plane is NOT ugly. It is aesthetically challenged."
An instrument panel is just something to clutter up the cockpit and distract your attention from the railroad or river bed you're following. ----- Slim Lewis, mail pilot
Allegedly drawn by an 8 year old on a Quantas flight.
CFI Landing Rating Scale:
5. Marvelous, ace. Couldn't do better myself.
4.
I've seen better; just can't remember when.
3. Average. I could do better
with my eyes closed.
2. You going to log all of those?
1. That wasn't a
landing; that was an arrival.
Check your ELT.
0. Get the flatbed boys.
Fly safe! Karin
The rule is: if the pilot gets it off the ground, flies the pattern, and crashes on final he's a private pilot, probably single-engine. If he crashes on take-off he's a commercial pilot. If he crashes before he leaves the ground he's got an ATP. A big exaggerated, but with some truth to it.
Notice of Proposed Rule MakingNPRM-99-07-21 Celebrity Pilots; Pilot-in-Command Requirements; Proposal: All pilots that are recognizable by more than 0.5% of the US population shall be required to obtain ATP certificates, accumulate 5000 hours flight time, and be type-rated in 52 different aircraft before being allowed to solo. This includes famous 1970's pop singers, 12-year old cross-country flight stunt pilots, and people with DNA that is closely related to famous politicians. Furthermore, Part 103, Ultralights, and Part 61 are amended to prevent celebrities from flying Ultralights unless the ATP certificate is held with a current first-class medical. Reason for issuance: It has been found that celebrity pilots constitute an exceptional and hazardous risk to the national airspace system and the freedoms and flying privileges enjoyed by the general public. Intensive celebrity flight training will help to prevent knee-jerk reaction by posturing news media and politicians and preserve the national airspace system. Cost: The cost of this training has been determined to be inconsequential to celebrities than can afford $400,000+ airplanes for non-business personal use. To not implement this rule will assuredly cost the entire 96 years of progressive development of the general aviation system... |
Short Final...
>From our "local procedures" file:
At Victoria we have a reporting point, a hotel, which is called "The
Waddling Dog". One day recently, an American pilot called the tower,
reporting, "Bonanza 4567Y, Discovery Island, landing."
The tower controller responded, "Roger 67Y, call the Waddling Dog on
119.7 for left base 09."
The American acknowledged with, "Roger that, and, uh, we're over the
nudist colony at this time."
The controller, completely taken in, said, "WHERE IS THAT?"
"You first," the American laconically responded.
Contributions to Short Final are welcomed at sf@avweb.com.
THE TWELVE (Flying) DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
On the twelth day of Christmas, my instructor gave to me...
Twelve-hundred squawking,
Eleven towers talking;
Ten minutes holding;
Nine charts a-folding;
Eight in-flight briefings;
Seven route re-thinkings;
Six flights computing;
FIVE FORCED LANDINGS!
Four short approaches;
Three full stalls;
Two-hour preflight;
And a regulation 91.3.