From: "mike" mgh@hughes.net
Newsgroups: rec.aviation.student
Subject: you may be a redneck pilot if...
Date: Thu, 5 Feb 1998 08:52:48 -0800
Organization: poor

You may be a redneck pilot if...

  • Your stall warning plays Dixie.
  • You get your pre-flight briefing from the Phsycic Hotline.
  • Your cross country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.
  • You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
  • You've ever used moonshine as Avgas.
  • You have mudflaps on your wheel pants.
  • Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
  • You've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.
  • You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee.
  • You use a Purina feed sack for a wind sock.
  • The side of your airplane has a sign advertising your septic tank service.
  • Your aircraft has a hitch.
  • You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
  • You think GPS stands for Going Perfectly Straight.
  • You refer to formation flying as "we got us a convoy".
  • You're matched set of luggage is three grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.
  • You've ever fueled your airplane from a mason jar.
  • You've got a gun rack on the passenger window.
  • You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
  • Your preflight includes removing all of the clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear.
  • You figure the weight of the mud and manure on your airplane into the CG calculations.
  • You siphon gas from your tractor to put in your airplane.
  • You've never landed at an actual airport though you've been flying for years.
  • You've ground looped after hitting a cow.
  • You consider anything over 100' AGL to be high altitude flight.
  • There are parts of your airplane labeled John Deere.
  • You've never actually seen a sectional but have all of the Texaco road maps for your flying area.
  • There's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.
  • You have to buzz the strip to chase off the sheep and goats.
  • You use your parachute to cover your plane.
  • You've ever landed on the main street of town to get a cup of coffee.
  • The tread pattern, if any, on your main tires doesn't match.
  • Your primary comm. radio has 90 channels.
  • Your comm antenna is over 7 feet long.
  • You call up the tower with "Breaker Breaker"
  • You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass.
  • You put hay in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.
  • You use you landing light for hunting.
  • Your flight instructor's day job is at the community sales barn.
  • You've got matching bumper stickers on the vertical fin.
  • There are grass stains on your propeller tips.
  • The FAA still thinks you live at your parents' house.
  • Your hangar collapses and more than 4 dogs are injured.
  • When starting the prop you injure five dogs.
  • Somewhere on your airplane is an "I'd rather be fishing" bumper sticker.
  • You navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations.
  • When you go to the airport cafe they hand you biscuits and gravy instead of a menu.
  • You think that an ultralight is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.
  • You siphon Jat-A out of your King Air for your space heater.
  • Just before the crash, everybody at the airport heard you say, "Hey, Y'all watch this!!"