Major Lange's CHEMISTRY NOTES

WOMEN.

If you are acquainted with chemistry, you may be interested in this scientific analysis of a familiar element.

Symbol: Wo

Discovered: First detected in pure form by Adam in the Garden of Eden.

Physical Properties:
1. Boils at anything.
2. Freezes at anything.
3. Very bitter if not used well.
4. Very unstable under pressure.
5. Melts when properly treated.

Accepted Weight: 118

Occurrence: Surplus quantities are found in metropolitan areas.

Chemical Properties:
1. Posses a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Has ability to absorb great quantities of food.

Test: Turns green if placed beside better looking specimen.

Uses:
1. Highly ornamental.
2. Useful as a catalyst in the acceleration of low spirits.
3. Useful as an equalizer in distribution of wealth.
4. Probably the most effect income reducing agent known to man.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

CHEMISTRY'S 124th PSALM

I have a chemistry professor,
	I shall not pass.
He maketh me to show ignorance,
	Before the whole class.
He giveth me more than I can learn,
	He lowereth my grades.
Yea, though I walk
	Through the Valley of Knowledge,
I shall not learn.
	He annoyeth my head with problems,
My eyes runneth over.
	Surely burettes and balances
Shall follow me all the days of my life
	And I shall dwell
In the chem lab for ever, and ever, and ever.

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR CHEMISTS

1. I am the Word and Law (the chemistry text) -memorize me.
2. Thou shalt not take the name of thy lab instructor in vain.
3. Remember thy laboratory always -namely, to keep it spotless.
4. Honor thy lab partner's answers.
5. Thou shalt not pencil thy titrate.
6. Thou shalt not spit into thy neighbor's unknown.
7. Thou shalt not buy thy end product.
8. Thou shalt not bear false answers to thy professor.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's reagents.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's beakers, nor his test tubes, nor his Florence flasks, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.